Washington– Schools were closed today, as a predicted but unexpectedly strong shit storm blew it’s way through Washington and the mid Atlantic. Meteorologists are blaming climate change for the unusual ferocity and scale of the event.
“Shit storms are not at all uncommon here in Washington, but the large size and force of this one is unprecedented” said rare weather specialist James Adoniss.
Clean up is expected to continue for weeks despite crews working overtime. With damage estimated in the hundreds of millions, the Obama administration has released emergency funding to help accelerate the recovery effort, but many democrats remain deeply displeased with the president.
“This shit storm has brought a lot of negative attention to Washington, and climate change has clearly made it worse for us [Democrats]” said Carl Jacobson, Democrat from Kentucky. “How are we going to fair in mid-term elections with climate change driven shit storms like the one we just experienced?”
Historically, political infighting and party weakness have resulted after previous shit storms. It would appear the Democratic party has been most affected by this event. Most media outlets have highlighted both senate majority leader Harry Reid and President Obama’s political weakness during this powerful event.
Climate Alliance spokesperson Allison Kealey said, “It has literally been raining shit on Washington for the better part of a week and the Democrats continue to be unable to put a climate bill together. It’s sad.”
The low pressure depression is expected to move out into the Atlantic overnight not affecting the North East directly, though meteorologists warn that rip tides and large waves are likely up the coast as the shit storm slowly degrades.