City Drivers Agree, Cycling Infractions Should Be Punishable By Death

London – A recent study of urban motorists finds that most agree that cycling infractions should be punishable by death. 92% of drivers felt that cyclists were a social plague, and 88% felt that being plowed down by a large vehicle was an appropriate response to weaving in traffic. Just over 90% believed that rolling through a stop sign warranted vehicular manslaughter.

“I’m not surprised by the response,” said Arnold Gerber, a daily car commuter in central London. “You see those cyclists up front by the red lights, and sometimes they pull off before it turns green. I just want to run them over when I see that.” Gerber’s comments capture the sentiments of most urban drivers, especially taxi and livery vehicles.

Thomas Willgrove, a delivery van driver said, “I’ve side swiped three cyclist and pretty sure I maimed one of them real good. Us delivery guys play this game – you get 10 points for a light hit, 25 if you break something, and 50 if you really run them over. I only have 45 points, but some of my mates who drive bigger trucks have loads!” Despite this, most drivers agreed, that when not in their vehicles, they had little view on cycling in the city.

“When I’m walking, I don’t even notice those guys – but when I’m in my Fiat, I just feel like I need to enforce traffic laws with the front of my car – or at least roll down my window and yell wildly at the bastards,” said Gerber, getting emotional. The Mayors office has yet to comment on the study, but it is expected that additionally safety measures such as painting portions of busy roadways slightly different colours, will help ensure the safety of urban cyclists.

Airlines Lobby for Fatality Allowance in EU ETS

Fatal plane crashes may reduce the Carbon impact of air travel

Brussels – This week The American Airline lobby announced its innovative plan for the inclusion of fatal commercial airline incidences in the EU ETS as a means of generating additional ETS allowances for the responsible operator.

The European Emissions Trading Scheme (EU ETS) will include aviation starting in 2012. Airlines will have to surrender one ETS allowance per tonne of CO2 emitted on flights both in to and out from (and within) the EU. This applies to all commercial and non-commercial flights and applies no matter where an operator is based. 

Airlines, particularly those not based in the EU have been fighting against this inclusion since 2010, but the Commission has maintained that it will continue with the plans as previously set out.  However, airlines have now taken a decidedly new approach to the allowance system.  They are calling for the distribution of additional allowances in case of fatal incidences.  Ben Aker, a spokesperson for the American Airline lobby explains in more detail:

                “We reviewed the impact the average human has on the environment during their lifetime and concluded that in fact, the removal of a single human being from the planet can have significant CO2 reducing impacts”

In the Carbon for Carbon Plan, published by the lobby, a simple equation based on the nationality of the expired passenger is used to calculate the number of allowances to be generated per death following an airline crash.

Number of allowances per fatality:

(Ex – D) x (Cx)

Ex = Expected average life expectancy in country X

D = Age at death

Cx = Annual tonnes of CO2 per capita country X

Aker noted, “While we do all we can to ensure air travel safety, these types of tragedies do occur and it would only be fair for the EU ETS to capture the future Carbon savings associated with the losses of life that may occur in commercial airline crashes.”

The Commission will review the submitted plans and stated on its website that a decision would be made by early Autumn.

Electric vehicles not ‘obese friendly’

Mississippi- In Jefferson county, the fattest region of the fattest state in America, local residence are open about what they like and dislike.  At the local Southern Baptist church a sign reads, ‘All  those who seek Jesus welcomed, except gays’.  In a region full of gun stores, Wal-Marts and burger joints, it would seem unlikely that a major automotive vehicle company would come here to test launch a range of electric vehicles (EV’s).  “When we engineered the vehicles, we built them strong and light for maximum efficiency.  Our 4-door vehicle can carry 5 normal sized adults” said Be-EV CEO Timothy Green, emphasising the word ‘normal’.  “Unfortunately, our company, based in Europe, defined normal by European standards 15 years ago.  The current American living in Mississippi is almost 7 times that value”.

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