Greenpeace Activists Seek Arctic, Climb London’s Shard Instead

111111111London – At least 6 female activists are currently climbing London’s Shard in an attempt to save the Arctic from destruction by oil and gas drilling. The activists, who are thought to not fully understand that the Shard is a massive man-made structure in central London, intended to scale the building in order to protect the fragile Arctic environment. London police commented that, “We believe it is possible that the activist have become confused as to what is at the top of the Shard, perhaps from reading Jack and the Bean stalk or from too much exposure to the Harry Potter novels. It remains unclear.”

The Arctic, which has long been located at the northern most part of the planet, has been the subject of numerous climbing activities by Greenpeace, though rarely on location. Describing today’s heroic climb, the organisation stated, “If Shell, BP, Total and all the other oil and gas companies that intend to destroy the Arctic can’t hear us from down here at street level, they sure as shit will hear us from 310m up that mountain of glass!”

Study finds that Greenpeace alienates most, irritates the rest

Greenpeace activists pissing off Catholics

Washington – A study released earlier this week by several leading Universities concluded that Greenpeace “generally pissed people off” leading them to feel alienated and apathetic toward environmental issues. Continue reading →